tora: (Niou; haunting)
Something I have yet to understand about myself and my current situation...Why am I the understanding one and yet not completely understood when it comes to my parents? Honestly, it's a rhetorical question because I know the answer to it and yet find myself continuing to ask why. I know I'm not completely understood because of several reasons. Generations. The fact that there are things in which I keep from my parents for the simple reason anyone keeps things hidden from their mother and father. Also, the fact that in one way or another both are close minded about certain things and stubbornly so at that. But I still feel that those aren't the only reasons. I don't know. It feels like neither of them are going to ever try to understand because they are under the impression that they know me already? Seriously, this whole damn thing's throwing me for a loop. I feel that I can't ever think straight because everywhere I turn one or both of them want to talk to me about the situation and what I'm going to do once one of them moves out and I can't even begin to give a straight answer aside from once I get a new job, I'm moving out on my own. That IS the best thing for my sanity to say the least but I feel so damn lost about it. Real life's knocked me with one HELL of a right hook that's left me spinning and confused as all hell. Honestly, I just wish I COULD stop thinking about it all together but with it pressing on me from every direction I can't and it's driving me insane.

Hopefully, typing this out will help clear my mind enough to actually sleep now or I'm going to drink some prescription couch syrup in order to sleep. I might just go take a swig of JaĆ¼ger before bed. *sighs*

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tora

May 2009

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